the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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