Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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