I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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