I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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