dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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