Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
