Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
