You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
