i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
