if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
