my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
