"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
