I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
