hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
