Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
