This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize
