i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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