in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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