oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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