Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
