watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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