just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
