like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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