I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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