Plan B is the new Plan A
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
