I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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