I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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