Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
