Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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