i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
My penis needs a shock collar
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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