good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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