i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I am midnight drunk by noon
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
