me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
