I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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