I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
