Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Randomize
