God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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