I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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