do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
