just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
