Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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