Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize
