I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
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i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
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My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
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