I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
