The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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