why didn't you poke me back
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
