It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
don't judge my taste in strippers
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
and you fell through a lawn chair
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
