so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
