I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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