while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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