Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
