How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
