You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
