toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
