Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
