do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
