The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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