Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
