She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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