I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
