Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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