Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
