You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
