he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
