I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
It was confusing and full of hummus
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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