The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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