I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
