Sry I called you an 8
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
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If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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