Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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