I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
