Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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