I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
