I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
The beer is more important than you right now.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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