What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
